Can you really afford to stay inert?

The greatest tragedies in your life are yet to be written.

Let’s let those words sink in for a moment, before continuing. They were specifically picked for tonality and dramatic value; they serve the purpose of “bringing home” the reality that there is always more that you can be doing.

But what if you let your fear dictate the actions you want to make? Then perhaps those words wouldn’t ever be actually spoken. Instead, they’d be more briefly-thought and then disregarded — you’re sticking within your comfort zone, and within that zone, there is a beautiful cocoon of no-risk.

People like basking within the riskless — it’s an opportune way to use the mundane to an advantage. For when you’re without risk, all mundane tasks further to expand the comfort which you feel. It’s a reinforcing comfort cycle, all psychologically engineered by YOURSELF to give a sense of well-being.

This can be thrown into evolutionary biology terms, and it seems trite: If you risked your ass to get food, there’s a good chance you’d not come back. The more risk you took, the greater chance you’d be eaten, killed, or worse. So, we’re hardwired to only take the risks that we need to take — ironic, as these days most risk can’t be met with great harm.

If you decide to stay inert, it’s comforting like cult philosophies. The insecurity that you see within normal, everyday life is overridden by the calm that you feel by staying where you are. It’s a tidy bank job, like you see in the movies: you can tell that something’s done, but you can’t seem to solve the mystery.

Can you really afford to stay inert?

I’m a Sex Fiend.

This is by far the hardest post I’ve had to write in a long time. This is my proverbial outing: I am a man, and I am a sex fiend. I wouldn’t say that I’m a nymphomaniac — I don’t NEED sex. But I crave sex, and have been ashamed of it for longer than I can remember.
I came to this revelation a few days ago, and I’ve been trying to figure out what it really means. Masturbating three times a day if given the chance, indulging in fantasties of mind control, mature women, and soft domination.

And the shame… I’d look away from a story after I had release. Avert my eyes from pornography because I was “guilty” of wanting it. In my mind I was guilty of being immoral — since I had grew up with the belief that men are sexual predators, and that as a man, I will force my “unwanted needs” on unsuspecting women.

Over the years, this programming has manifested itself in an interesting way. It has convinced me that I need to be effiminate because women won’t be offended with that mentality. That heroes from movies such as The Princess Bride were the models that I was supposed to follow. And that I needed to be moral in all ways.

A few years ago, I realized that I projected that “morality” onto females. That if I wanted a girl, that I’d be taking advantage of her. And so my repression grew, and my shame increased accordingly.

To come out of that shell, I needed to admit to myself that I am a sexual creature. And I needed to admit that I crave females. I would stare at ladies and pretend that my ogling them wasn’t sexual, but rather done out of boredom.

I am a sexual man. I can and will not tolerate people telling me that I am immoral for who I am. Because repressing myself has ripped my insides out, and changing into the new person that I wish to be has cost me most of my friends.

But it’s who I need to be. The old must die, the new must reign. I don’t know if I can be that new person completely, and I don’t know who I will end up being. But I will integrate myself into being. The new must reign.

Apologies, Apologies.

Have you ever met someone who apologized incessantly? A guy or a girl who was unable to stop apologizing. I used to be one of those people.

The reason why I continued to apologize was that I needed acceptance and validation. I needed the validation to know that my ideas were alright, and I needed to be continually built up to know that what I was doing, who I was, was acceptable to people.

So, why did I stop supplicating? It’s because I realized that continual apologizing wasn’t hot. Since I completely lacked confidence, people became turned off to being the source to either my “good vibe” or “bad vibe.” And in most circumstances, people would get really pissed off with that person, incredibly quickly.

I realized that I usually apologized after comments that I perceived people would take badly, and that usually those comments were actually my real desires. In actuality, I was I apologizing on two fronts: first, I was apologizing for what I wanted, and second, I was apologizing for external events that I did nothing wrong in. (This is since the first tendency of mine would be to apologize after EVERYTHING.)

So, how did I do it? Very, very consciously. It’s like pleasure addiction, in that both are actually removed the same way. To quote coyoteugly, “Your subconscious will soon realize whose boss. Now, why did I ask you to keep a pen and piece of paper? Here’s why: The first few weeks WILL be difficult, and unless you’re Mr. Self-torture you’ll fall down a few times. This is normal. But: any time you do slip up and [apologize unnecessarily], you must record the time and date of your [apology] right after it occurred. So simply write it on the sheet of paper. The next time it happens, do the same thing – under the previous entry. By doing this you can keep track of your progress. If you really want to get laid, and unless you’re a total goof, you should find that as time goes on, the entries become less and less frequent. Continue your everyday life as normal. Sometimes all you’ll be able to think of is giving in. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO RESIST THE TEMPTATION.”

(Yes, this process works for both pleasure addiction and being an apologizing, humble fool. It was also taken from Coyoteugly’s post archived at ASFGold)

Resist the temptation to fall back into your apologizing ways, and move forwards, always.

Attached are two posts by SnowPatrol, which gave me Ah-HA! moments. They are on Acceptance and Social Value (i.e., The Difference Between You and Them).

Reproduced with permission: SnowPatrol – Acceptance and Social Value

Overgeneralizations.

Overgeneralizations are my forte here, and it’s most likely better to talk about it now, rather than later. I suffer from seeing things from one-dimension: the simpleton male’s.

I’m a direct, dominant male. I’m working on exorcising the insecure demons within me, a long, drawn out process. As such, I’ve revamped my peer group. The group I’ve surrounded myself with are direct, blunt guys. They’re open, they’re (trying to be) flirty. I’ve really made an effort to stand away from people who are unwilling to be open to me.

My peer group, and the writings I reference, are an attempt to codify my beliefs into one package, one person. As such, this is more of a journey than anything. Since that these writings are going to be one-dimensional by nature, I make no effort to see things from other peoples’ perspectives.  Any attempt to be sympathetic to differing beliefs would most likely be seen disingenuous.

Oh, and welcome to my blog. Flame wars are not tolerated.

Spit on the Tyrant

Spit on the tyrant God if the fucker tries to call you to account.
- Richard Morgan

I’ve been thinking about dominant game. And about who we are. So, to kick things off, I’m going to link up to this article: The Submissive Alpha Female. It talks heavily from a femme’s prospective about how dominance is pretty much expected from the standard male. (For more proof of this, check out My Secret Gardens by Nancy Friday.)

It ties nicely into the whole “dom/dom+” mindset which I’m working with, and am really thinking about. You dominate a sub, but you really dominate with a femdom. In both cases, you’re not going to be passive — because a girl likes a guy who works to maintain his freedom, while remaining caring. In essence, independent action outside the bedroom is tempered by emotional action within. It’s the Taken in Hand relationship. (Same site where the previous link was stolen from, actually.)

The state which we put ourselves in is a reflection of our reality, and who we are. Dominance, Self-Confidence, and a pretty stylish wrapping is ALL you need in the end. Our community is built to provide these things with a social-improvement frame, and this creates the persona we look to become. At least, that I’m looking to become.

In other news, I’m still sick. When I can speak, I hope to go out with sd.

This Is Who We Are

As my AA continues, I’d like to take a moment to remark on the state of our game.

Most people that I see, that I’ve met… these are people who use Game as a social tool, use it to get better in their lives. To me, Game is a tool towards better ends — that we are in fact seeking self-improvement. People who use game as merely a tool towards “more chicks” will never get much out of it.

For those guys, though: here’s Tyler Durden – 25 Points