Warm Up To Those Motherfuckers

As part of my job, we interview women on their sexuality.

We just did another interview today, and I’d like to make a brief treatise on being warm and accepting to those who are around you. Brutal, assbreaking honesty can be found in most people — the trick is getting them to open up and spill it out.

How do you do this? There’re two ways.

The first is that YOU SHARE FIRST. You have to open yourself up and be emotionally vulnerable for them to actually share anything with you — else you’re that “weird motherfucker” who seems like you’re more interested in her body than her (or in the least, more interested in stalking her than not). By pressing too hard and too fast for honesty, you’re going to break any rapport you had before you started.

The second is that YOU NEVER COME DOWN HARD! I mean, ever. If they’re talking about how their secret fetish is raping sheep, and you think that they’re being honest about it, you never want to smack them down and tell them that your favorite hobby is tracking down sheepfuckers and bringing them to justice. Well, you might jokingly — you’d pro’lly be able to get away with it.

Beyond this, always keep open body language. You don’t want to tell her “tell me more!” when you’re not facing her — always look at her, or at least, near her. Eye contact isn’t necessary, but if you’re looking to come off as “that affable dude”, you’re going to need to at least keep your body facing her — that means that your belly button is facing her torso, not away.

Be yourself. If you aren’t too busy in your head analyzing everything, be your normal, quirky self. Let go and share who you can be, because THAT person she’d like to befriend. Not the persona, but the person.

Me, I spend more time pretending to be someone well-rounded than being someone well-rounded. Become who you actually are, and people will love you. Be a persona, and when you revert, you’ll find that nobody understand — or supports — this new you. At least, not without a lot of explaining.

Warm up to them motherfuckers, and let them in.

Can you really afford to stay inert?

The greatest tragedies in your life are yet to be written.

Let’s let those words sink in for a moment, before continuing. They were specifically picked for tonality and dramatic value; they serve the purpose of “bringing home” the reality that there is always more that you can be doing.

But what if you let your fear dictate the actions you want to make? Then perhaps those words wouldn’t ever be actually spoken. Instead, they’d be more briefly-thought and then disregarded — you’re sticking within your comfort zone, and within that zone, there is a beautiful cocoon of no-risk.

People like basking within the riskless — it’s an opportune way to use the mundane to an advantage. For when you’re without risk, all mundane tasks further to expand the comfort which you feel. It’s a reinforcing comfort cycle, all psychologically engineered by YOURSELF to give a sense of well-being.

This can be thrown into evolutionary biology terms, and it seems trite: If you risked your ass to get food, there’s a good chance you’d not come back. The more risk you took, the greater chance you’d be eaten, killed, or worse. So, we’re hardwired to only take the risks that we need to take — ironic, as these days most risk can’t be met with great harm.

If you decide to stay inert, it’s comforting like cult philosophies. The insecurity that you see within normal, everyday life is overridden by the calm that you feel by staying where you are. It’s a tidy bank job, like you see in the movies: you can tell that something’s done, but you can’t seem to solve the mystery.

Can you really afford to stay inert?

Attitude

The truth behind the matter is that my lack of posts has been self-imposed.

I’ve been pushed at work beyond any limits that I thought or knew I had, putting in 11 hour days for no pay (as I’m an intern, see). And it’s so completely worth it.

But that’s neither here nor there, here’s another tasty post.

My friend told this to me, and I believe him: routines are developed solely so that people without confidence can develop it. It’s akin to learning a fallback that you can resort to when nervous. MM is a system that’s written out so that you can follow it quickly, easily.

The reality behind this reasoning is that we’re afraid of the unknown, of the void. If all you need to build is confidence, how do you do so? How do you build momentum when you’re not started?

There are a variety of different ways, and these are all small steps designed to attack the root of the problem. As the problem is social confidence with the other gender, the best technique that I know is to play in an ultimate frisbee game. As you get older, you can resort to more suitable sports for your age; but the premise is the same. Go to a social event where the “in” is easy, and there’s no pressure to be social.

You’ll meet people there, and the soft friendships you make there can begin to permeate into other areas of your life.  You never want to eat alone — you never want to go out alone, you always want to push the boundaries of what you know and thought to be possible.

Hope can be created if you think that you can achieve through short steps. I don’t think that this blog can be “great” immediately, but with enough posts, with enough friends, and with enough time, I can make it something that I’m proud to be a part of.

Keep the right mindset as you move forward, and keep the right ATTITUDE.

Rock on, soldiers.

Rock the fuck on.

The Superwhore and the Maleslut

The name is funny-sounding: nympho-maniac. HA… It’d make me chuckle any day of the week, and twice on Tuesdays.

What’s interesting is that nymphos see no problem with what they do, whereas conservatives are unwilling to bring out the so-called superwhore (name copyrighted by Dirty Filthy Princess).

What creates superwhores? Multiple truths, embraced openly: multiple orgasms. G-spot. Clit. Penetration. The mythical Anal. Girls experience the same amount of pleasure during sex as Guys — but girls have a variety of ways to experience it. All while being more sensual as a rule.

There’s also the maleslut. Same pleasure, but it’s only really being gotten one way. This is ironic, as males find it easier to talk about sex — and brag about the pleasure — most likely because they enjoy the power and subconscious virility that the organ projects.

I think that what’s slowly beginning to dawn on me is that there is no real difference between the sex. Both experience great pleasure from sex (if it’s done right — but that’s NOT this conversation), and both brag. The superwhores and malesluts will do it naturally as they see nothing wrong with what they’re doing. And as always, the conservatively “moral” out there will censor it.

So, how do you become a “superslut”? Realize that there is pleasure to be gotten out there, and if you embrace the reality that the pleasure can be yours — if you choose to partake in the hedonistic — then you can dive headfirst into trying it. And seeing if you like it. Because the superslut has only one reality: Do what feels good, and if it’s really good, do it twice.

Sleep around because it’s fun, because it’s a thrill. If you view it another way, then rephrase it into this: “debase yourself because you only live once.” And accept who you are.

Always accept who you are. Because I’m a maleslut, my girl’s a superwhore. And I’m damn proud of that fact.

Dick Size Don’t Matter?

This is the hotly contested topic — psychological technique, physical technique, or physique?

Men, growing up, hear that it’s physique. If you have a nine inch cock, you’ll be embraced and loved by women. I once heard a man confide in another man, “I know that it’s not politically correct, but have you ever had a girl tell you that size DOES matter?” Dudes with penis envy constantly wonder why things go so badly for them in bed — why the orgasms that they produce aren’t as strong as the orgasms that bigger-dick dudes produce.

Some would say it’s physical technique. Embracing the teachings of gurus such as David Shade, you can easily create G-Spot orgasms, clitoral orgasms, and learn how to employ constant stimulation and variation to become the perfect lover. But then they wonder why the girls get bored with the technique.

My boss would say it’s psychological technique. That the more you know about fantasies and dominance, the greater your confidence will be, and naturally the better the sex will be. And yet, girls wonder why you think you’re the shit when you can’t even get her off.

So, where do I fall? I believe in the psychological. As you can see in this blog, I’m seven inches, but I believe that having a controlling mindset with complete understanding will make the sex hotter. That confidence DOES dictate better sex.

Why? It’s because you can get her hot through fingering her, through eating her — but if you provide a context for that, if you show her that you’re confident and you are free to pretend other situations where you both find it hot… it’s like three times more powerful than just having a large dick and shoving it into her. Even dirty talk increases the pleasure by a factor of one and a half, so long as she feels comfortable with your calling her a slut, or whatnot.

Anyways, where do you fall? Tell me, and leave a comment.

I’m a Sex Fiend.

This is by far the hardest post I’ve had to write in a long time. This is my proverbial outing: I am a man, and I am a sex fiend. I wouldn’t say that I’m a nymphomaniac — I don’t NEED sex. But I crave sex, and have been ashamed of it for longer than I can remember.
I came to this revelation a few days ago, and I’ve been trying to figure out what it really means. Masturbating three times a day if given the chance, indulging in fantasties of mind control, mature women, and soft domination.

And the shame… I’d look away from a story after I had release. Avert my eyes from pornography because I was “guilty” of wanting it. In my mind I was guilty of being immoral — since I had grew up with the belief that men are sexual predators, and that as a man, I will force my “unwanted needs” on unsuspecting women.

Over the years, this programming has manifested itself in an interesting way. It has convinced me that I need to be effiminate because women won’t be offended with that mentality. That heroes from movies such as The Princess Bride were the models that I was supposed to follow. And that I needed to be moral in all ways.

A few years ago, I realized that I projected that “morality” onto females. That if I wanted a girl, that I’d be taking advantage of her. And so my repression grew, and my shame increased accordingly.

To come out of that shell, I needed to admit to myself that I am a sexual creature. And I needed to admit that I crave females. I would stare at ladies and pretend that my ogling them wasn’t sexual, but rather done out of boredom.

I am a sexual man. I can and will not tolerate people telling me that I am immoral for who I am. Because repressing myself has ripped my insides out, and changing into the new person that I wish to be has cost me most of my friends.

But it’s who I need to be. The old must die, the new must reign. I don’t know if I can be that new person completely, and I don’t know who I will end up being. But I will integrate myself into being. The new must reign.

What is the idealized vision of a man?

The Globe and Mail ran a very politically incorrect article earlier this week, dealing with sex. It is here, for easy reference: Sarah Hampson – Sex, or he’s your ex (please, don’t sue me.)

The reason why this post is dedicated to the article is because it touches at the base of all the sexual stuff I’ve been posting about and contemplating. The end-reasoning is for women to “Be a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom. And help him understand that before talking dirty, the whore sometimes needs to have a cuddly chat about her day.”

Now, let’s examine the later part of that sentence, as the former’s been well covered in women’s magazines. To guide this post, I’m referencing a comment in response to the OpEd: “I read an interview with the Mayflower Madame some years ago. She was asked why she felt there was such a high demand for high-priced escorts. She responded (I’m paraphrasing here) that ‘A man will marry expecting his wife to always be the hottie in the bedroom that they were before marriage while a woman marries expecting to change their husband into their idealized vision of a man.’ “

What is the idealized vision of a man?

(Remember that these are not rules, but an idealistic guideline. As such, there will be conflicting ideologies.)

It clearly isn’t exaggerated machoism. “The men with the most exaggerated ‘masculine attributes’ often win Darwin Awards. They are doomed to an early demise; someone described these macho men as “nature’s playground”. In evolutionary terms, they are expendable. The make themselves expendable. They are self-parodies.”

It’s about communication; she wants you to be her best friend.
a: To elaborate on the former, I’m referring to not effeminate communication, but rather soulful communication. There is a subtle difference: you want to be open and honest, but not weak and needing validation. Do not rely on her to give you strength. A woman must know that her man cares, and you need to pay particular attention to her at specific times. (However, this doesn’t mean that you should smother her with attention.)
b: To elaborate on the latter, you want to give your girl cuddly chat, because women view express their love through words, whereas men do it through actions. Women like to talk, and verbally be affirmed of their love, whereas men like to fuck, and be physically affirmed of their love. Being her best friend shows that you are there with her, for her, on a deeper level than anybody else is or would be. And remember to sometimes show your love, as talk does need to be supported through action.

Likewise, it’s alert compassion. Seek her opinions and check her wishes on an ongoing basis. It’s playing with children, being soft when you need to be soft. It’s about going as slow as is necessary, and if things are going badly for her, taking a step back and doing something extraordinary. The only “weak” action you can have is refusing to man up in this regard.

It’s mutual love and respect. Do your share of the work, and remember that you have to leave time for your woman to look sexy instead of making her clean shit all the time. Apologize clearly, directly, and non-defensively when you make a mistake.

My own coda to this post is that it’s about having silently strong beliefs. That there are things in the world that you believe in, and that you’ll fight for. The subliminal effect of this is communicating that you’re going to fight for your family, when the going gets tough. By having these beliefs, it’s possible to confidently affirm that you accept your wife for who she is, that she comes first, and that her man won’t be corrupted from who he was.

Stay classy, San Diego. As always, comments are not only appreciated, but very, very welcomed.

Love/Lust/Need/Want

The title of this post is Love/Lust/Need/Want. I love. I need. I lust. I want.
The dating scene is really separated into two camps: those who want Miss. Right Now, and those who want Mrs. Forever. The search to settle down’s an interesting one, but I’m looking at the grey-area between the two.

It’s the line between wanting someone and needing someone. And that line is what often kills a relationship. I’ve lost more than one girl because I either needed them more or less than they needed me, or I wanted them more or less than they wanted me. Usually both parties aren’t in-sync: one generally wants while the other needs, or the other needs while the other wants. (Those who are in-sync are usually with their partner for a long period of time, and thus they are excluded from this post.)

From this vantage point, most people aren’t conscious about what they actually want. If you’re going along with the flow of things, then there’s no way that you can accurately tease out what you want until a few hours into the conversation. (This is because all conversations are different; you may flirt or initiate deep conversation, and everybody reacts differently to both modes.)

So what’s the right amount to invest in someone? Most guys I know would say that they wish to keep things flirty and fun, and leave the deep conversation for later (and then reinitiate). This is because really deep initial conversations more often lead to deep friendships, since the initial fun flirtiness is lost and is incongruent after the initial interaction.

But what if you really want someone? I know I do sometimes, and it’s there that I’m lost. If you pursue someone aggressively for a deep relationship, there’s a good chance that you’ll come on too strong, and freak her out. Most people don’t want something immediately deep. But it’s that depth which brings a wholly different level to the relationship.

When I hit that depth, things get a bit weird, and my emotions fall out of my control. I’m not a jealous person, and in any open relationship, we can both can date as many people as we want. But I do want loyalty at the end of the day, and the subtle assurance that I’m within her heart. There is no true technique that will guarantee this beyond the vague belief that my frame is strong, and that it is attractive.

I want. I need. I lust. I love.

This post references a post on reyalP’s blog, found at blog.reyalp.net. A local copy of the referenced post can be found here. The relevant part is Back to Basics.