Can you really afford to stay inert?

The greatest tragedies in your life are yet to be written.

Let’s let those words sink in for a moment, before continuing. They were specifically picked for tonality and dramatic value; they serve the purpose of “bringing home” the reality that there is always more that you can be doing.

But what if you let your fear dictate the actions you want to make? Then perhaps those words wouldn’t ever be actually spoken. Instead, they’d be more briefly-thought and then disregarded — you’re sticking within your comfort zone, and within that zone, there is a beautiful cocoon of no-risk.

People like basking within the riskless — it’s an opportune way to use the mundane to an advantage. For when you’re without risk, all mundane tasks further to expand the comfort which you feel. It’s a reinforcing comfort cycle, all psychologically engineered by YOURSELF to give a sense of well-being.

This can be thrown into evolutionary biology terms, and it seems trite: If you risked your ass to get food, there’s a good chance you’d not come back. The more risk you took, the greater chance you’d be eaten, killed, or worse. So, we’re hardwired to only take the risks that we need to take — ironic, as these days most risk can’t be met with great harm.

If you decide to stay inert, it’s comforting like cult philosophies. The insecurity that you see within normal, everyday life is overridden by the calm that you feel by staying where you are. It’s a tidy bank job, like you see in the movies: you can tell that something’s done, but you can’t seem to solve the mystery.

Can you really afford to stay inert?

Attitude

The truth behind the matter is that my lack of posts has been self-imposed.

I’ve been pushed at work beyond any limits that I thought or knew I had, putting in 11 hour days for no pay (as I’m an intern, see). And it’s so completely worth it.

But that’s neither here nor there, here’s another tasty post.

My friend told this to me, and I believe him: routines are developed solely so that people without confidence can develop it. It’s akin to learning a fallback that you can resort to when nervous. MM is a system that’s written out so that you can follow it quickly, easily.

The reality behind this reasoning is that we’re afraid of the unknown, of the void. If all you need to build is confidence, how do you do so? How do you build momentum when you’re not started?

There are a variety of different ways, and these are all small steps designed to attack the root of the problem. As the problem is social confidence with the other gender, the best technique that I know is to play in an ultimate frisbee game. As you get older, you can resort to more suitable sports for your age; but the premise is the same. Go to a social event where the “in” is easy, and there’s no pressure to be social.

You’ll meet people there, and the soft friendships you make there can begin to permeate into other areas of your life.  You never want to eat alone — you never want to go out alone, you always want to push the boundaries of what you know and thought to be possible.

Hope can be created if you think that you can achieve through short steps. I don’t think that this blog can be “great” immediately, but with enough posts, with enough friends, and with enough time, I can make it something that I’m proud to be a part of.

Keep the right mindset as you move forward, and keep the right ATTITUDE.

Rock on, soldiers.

Rock the fuck on.

The Superwhore and the Maleslut

The name is funny-sounding: nympho-maniac. HA… It’d make me chuckle any day of the week, and twice on Tuesdays.

What’s interesting is that nymphos see no problem with what they do, whereas conservatives are unwilling to bring out the so-called superwhore (name copyrighted by Dirty Filthy Princess).

What creates superwhores? Multiple truths, embraced openly: multiple orgasms. G-spot. Clit. Penetration. The mythical Anal. Girls experience the same amount of pleasure during sex as Guys — but girls have a variety of ways to experience it. All while being more sensual as a rule.

There’s also the maleslut. Same pleasure, but it’s only really being gotten one way. This is ironic, as males find it easier to talk about sex — and brag about the pleasure — most likely because they enjoy the power and subconscious virility that the organ projects.

I think that what’s slowly beginning to dawn on me is that there is no real difference between the sex. Both experience great pleasure from sex (if it’s done right — but that’s NOT this conversation), and both brag. The superwhores and malesluts will do it naturally as they see nothing wrong with what they’re doing. And as always, the conservatively “moral” out there will censor it.

So, how do you become a “superslut”? Realize that there is pleasure to be gotten out there, and if you embrace the reality that the pleasure can be yours — if you choose to partake in the hedonistic — then you can dive headfirst into trying it. And seeing if you like it. Because the superslut has only one reality: Do what feels good, and if it’s really good, do it twice.

Sleep around because it’s fun, because it’s a thrill. If you view it another way, then rephrase it into this: “debase yourself because you only live once.” And accept who you are.

Always accept who you are. Because I’m a maleslut, my girl’s a superwhore. And I’m damn proud of that fact.

Apologies, Apologies.

Have you ever met someone who apologized incessantly? A guy or a girl who was unable to stop apologizing. I used to be one of those people.

The reason why I continued to apologize was that I needed acceptance and validation. I needed the validation to know that my ideas were alright, and I needed to be continually built up to know that what I was doing, who I was, was acceptable to people.

So, why did I stop supplicating? It’s because I realized that continual apologizing wasn’t hot. Since I completely lacked confidence, people became turned off to being the source to either my “good vibe” or “bad vibe.” And in most circumstances, people would get really pissed off with that person, incredibly quickly.

I realized that I usually apologized after comments that I perceived people would take badly, and that usually those comments were actually my real desires. In actuality, I was I apologizing on two fronts: first, I was apologizing for what I wanted, and second, I was apologizing for external events that I did nothing wrong in. (This is since the first tendency of mine would be to apologize after EVERYTHING.)

So, how did I do it? Very, very consciously. It’s like pleasure addiction, in that both are actually removed the same way. To quote coyoteugly, “Your subconscious will soon realize whose boss. Now, why did I ask you to keep a pen and piece of paper? Here’s why: The first few weeks WILL be difficult, and unless you’re Mr. Self-torture you’ll fall down a few times. This is normal. But: any time you do slip up and [apologize unnecessarily], you must record the time and date of your [apology] right after it occurred. So simply write it on the sheet of paper. The next time it happens, do the same thing – under the previous entry. By doing this you can keep track of your progress. If you really want to get laid, and unless you’re a total goof, you should find that as time goes on, the entries become less and less frequent. Continue your everyday life as normal. Sometimes all you’ll be able to think of is giving in. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO RESIST THE TEMPTATION.”

(Yes, this process works for both pleasure addiction and being an apologizing, humble fool. It was also taken from Coyoteugly’s post archived at ASFGold)

Resist the temptation to fall back into your apologizing ways, and move forwards, always.

Attached are two posts by SnowPatrol, which gave me Ah-HA! moments. They are on Acceptance and Social Value (i.e., The Difference Between You and Them).

Reproduced with permission: SnowPatrol – Acceptance and Social Value

Stereotypical Parents: Knocked Up Child

Ray and I saw “Knocked Up” together, and she asked me something very simple: why do girls’ parents want girls to get abortions, and males’ parents want guys to keep the kid?

Or, to put things in another context, why are girls’ parents afraid that their kids’ll get knocked up, but males’ parents expect their lads to knock a girl up? (This, of course, only goes until the kid’s 25-ish. After which, these criticisms may not be valid.)

It has to do with social norms, and the belief that women will, in all situations, be raped by a man. That the bastard father will leave the child, and that the situation will leave the woman in dire straits. If a man has a child, and he announces it to the family, the assumption is that he’s going to stay with the child, take care of it financially.

Of course, this is overgeneralization. There isn’t a set-answer, and religious practices may dictate that a child be kept. But, as far as things go, Apatow hit the scene right-on-mark.

PLR: That Backwards Step

I guess I’ll start with the story. I met a girl in a singles chat room, and we talked for a while. She didn’t seem skanky, and we talked for a few hours before we had phone sex. At the end of it, she said “I love you” a few times, which was interesting. I thought she’d aggressively pursue me, and was psychologically charged for that fact.

I never saw her again, and I fell into a funk about it. (It’s where the “let yourself feel lonely” post came from.) I thought about it, and the realized that the expectations which I held threw me for a curve. So, as a recovering, it’s always interesting to see how the mind reacts to new situations. I’ve not had a lot of phone sex/cybersex in my time, but when I do, I usually know where it’s going. For the most part. But when you hit a connection with someone, and she never returns back — that always creates an interesting dilemma.

It’s not rejection, since things never hit the “constantly seeing other” orbit. So, 1) what is it, 2) how do you prepare yourself for a ONS with a connection, and 3) handle the turnaround?

1. When you’ve got a connection, and you’re just starting out, things are fucking great. It’s like the old relationships of the past, deep connections, things are CLICKING. But it’s not necessarily got the fun vibe. It’s got that “serious deeply madly truly yours” connection — that old sinking ship that you have too early on in a relationship (this is especially the case with LSE girls.) So when you have a ONS scenario (singles chat room, leading to cybersex or phone sex), the connection throws you for a loop — leads you to think that there’ll be more. I’m tempted to say that this feeling is stronger in people with an Addictive personality, who get their hopes up a bit strongly over it.

2. I guess that what I’m learning is that you prepare for it by being detached from it all. Not uncaring, but not opening up like a flower to everyone. You be yourself, you see how and where it goes, but you realize that the situation (especially the MODE of pickup) will leave you most likely with an ONS. Don’t just go somewhere and think “man, she’ll be with me for months.” She won’t, if you don’t calibrate where you are.

3. You handle the turnaround by realizing that you’re a damn PUA. We’re working so that we’re indifferent, and unphased by events. Sure, she might shit test you. Sure, she might try to hurt you. Sure, she might call you a stupid fucking shit. But we’re cocky, and we’re going to vibe through it and anything that comes through it. There’s nothing else you can psychologically do to prepare for that inevitability.

There’s no good way to cap this post, no pithy link, nothing but the vague philosophy that forward movement always requires a backwards step. To realize how things go wrong early on allows us to see how they will go better later on. Each man’s journey is a slow amount of steps, each culminating in a totality of “better person.”

Peace, guys.

I’m Better.

Which is big. I’ve been not coughing hardcore throughout the day, so it looks like I’m healed.

Time to digress into AFC matters for a while. I’ve been trolling chats/craigslist while sick, mostly out of boredom, some out of self-pity. I even answered a few personals ads (gah, damn me.)

This truism hit me: It’s easy to let yourself feel lonely.

The key word there is “let.” Loneliness is something that you feel when you don’t bother to put your barriers up. When you don’t bother to let the cockiness or even the “I’m normal” persona up. It’s akin to a woman not putting her face on and then going out. It’s the best foot forward.

So, as a rAFC, what is our best foot? It’s being cocky. It’s being confident, even when you don’t feel it. Meet everybody, leave no man behind. (That last one’s hard for me still, I need to work on it.) I read a post on Vin’s forum by Dominance, which was spot on about this. Read it by clicking on Latest Realizations In Game (No Particular Order) by Dominance.

And remember: Don’t Let Yourself Be Lonely. Stay strong, and man up.