Can you really afford to stay inert?

The greatest tragedies in your life are yet to be written.

Let’s let those words sink in for a moment, before continuing. They were specifically picked for tonality and dramatic value; they serve the purpose of “bringing home” the reality that there is always more that you can be doing.

But what if you let your fear dictate the actions you want to make? Then perhaps those words wouldn’t ever be actually spoken. Instead, they’d be more briefly-thought and then disregarded — you’re sticking within your comfort zone, and within that zone, there is a beautiful cocoon of no-risk.

People like basking within the riskless — it’s an opportune way to use the mundane to an advantage. For when you’re without risk, all mundane tasks further to expand the comfort which you feel. It’s a reinforcing comfort cycle, all psychologically engineered by YOURSELF to give a sense of well-being.

This can be thrown into evolutionary biology terms, and it seems trite: If you risked your ass to get food, there’s a good chance you’d not come back. The more risk you took, the greater chance you’d be eaten, killed, or worse. So, we’re hardwired to only take the risks that we need to take — ironic, as these days most risk can’t be met with great harm.

If you decide to stay inert, it’s comforting like cult philosophies. The insecurity that you see within normal, everyday life is overridden by the calm that you feel by staying where you are. It’s a tidy bank job, like you see in the movies: you can tell that something’s done, but you can’t seem to solve the mystery.

Can you really afford to stay inert?

PLR: That Backwards Step

I guess I’ll start with the story. I met a girl in a singles chat room, and we talked for a while. She didn’t seem skanky, and we talked for a few hours before we had phone sex. At the end of it, she said “I love you” a few times, which was interesting. I thought she’d aggressively pursue me, and was psychologically charged for that fact.

I never saw her again, and I fell into a funk about it. (It’s where the “let yourself feel lonely” post came from.) I thought about it, and the realized that the expectations which I held threw me for a curve. So, as a recovering, it’s always interesting to see how the mind reacts to new situations. I’ve not had a lot of phone sex/cybersex in my time, but when I do, I usually know where it’s going. For the most part. But when you hit a connection with someone, and she never returns back — that always creates an interesting dilemma.

It’s not rejection, since things never hit the “constantly seeing other” orbit. So, 1) what is it, 2) how do you prepare yourself for a ONS with a connection, and 3) handle the turnaround?

1. When you’ve got a connection, and you’re just starting out, things are fucking great. It’s like the old relationships of the past, deep connections, things are CLICKING. But it’s not necessarily got the fun vibe. It’s got that “serious deeply madly truly yours” connection — that old sinking ship that you have too early on in a relationship (this is especially the case with LSE girls.) So when you have a ONS scenario (singles chat room, leading to cybersex or phone sex), the connection throws you for a loop — leads you to think that there’ll be more. I’m tempted to say that this feeling is stronger in people with an Addictive personality, who get their hopes up a bit strongly over it.

2. I guess that what I’m learning is that you prepare for it by being detached from it all. Not uncaring, but not opening up like a flower to everyone. You be yourself, you see how and where it goes, but you realize that the situation (especially the MODE of pickup) will leave you most likely with an ONS. Don’t just go somewhere and think “man, she’ll be with me for months.” She won’t, if you don’t calibrate where you are.

3. You handle the turnaround by realizing that you’re a damn PUA. We’re working so that we’re indifferent, and unphased by events. Sure, she might shit test you. Sure, she might try to hurt you. Sure, she might call you a stupid fucking shit. But we’re cocky, and we’re going to vibe through it and anything that comes through it. There’s nothing else you can psychologically do to prepare for that inevitability.

There’s no good way to cap this post, no pithy link, nothing but the vague philosophy that forward movement always requires a backwards step. To realize how things go wrong early on allows us to see how they will go better later on. Each man’s journey is a slow amount of steps, each culminating in a totality of “better person.”

Peace, guys.