Warm Up To Those Motherfuckers

As part of my job, we interview women on their sexuality.

We just did another interview today, and I’d like to make a brief treatise on being warm and accepting to those who are around you. Brutal, assbreaking honesty can be found in most people — the trick is getting them to open up and spill it out.

How do you do this? There’re two ways.

The first is that YOU SHARE FIRST. You have to open yourself up and be emotionally vulnerable for them to actually share anything with you — else you’re that “weird motherfucker” who seems like you’re more interested in her body than her (or in the least, more interested in stalking her than not). By pressing too hard and too fast for honesty, you’re going to break any rapport you had before you started.

The second is that YOU NEVER COME DOWN HARD! I mean, ever. If they’re talking about how their secret fetish is raping sheep, and you think that they’re being honest about it, you never want to smack them down and tell them that your favorite hobby is tracking down sheepfuckers and bringing them to justice. Well, you might jokingly — you’d pro’lly be able to get away with it.

Beyond this, always keep open body language. You don’t want to tell her “tell me more!” when you’re not facing her — always look at her, or at least, near her. Eye contact isn’t necessary, but if you’re looking to come off as “that affable dude”, you’re going to need to at least keep your body facing her — that means that your belly button is facing her torso, not away.

Be yourself. If you aren’t too busy in your head analyzing everything, be your normal, quirky self. Let go and share who you can be, because THAT person she’d like to befriend. Not the persona, but the person.

Me, I spend more time pretending to be someone well-rounded than being someone well-rounded. Become who you actually are, and people will love you. Be a persona, and when you revert, you’ll find that nobody understand — or supports — this new you. At least, not without a lot of explaining.

Warm up to them motherfuckers, and let them in.

Attitude

The truth behind the matter is that my lack of posts has been self-imposed.

I’ve been pushed at work beyond any limits that I thought or knew I had, putting in 11 hour days for no pay (as I’m an intern, see). And it’s so completely worth it.

But that’s neither here nor there, here’s another tasty post.

My friend told this to me, and I believe him: routines are developed solely so that people without confidence can develop it. It’s akin to learning a fallback that you can resort to when nervous. MM is a system that’s written out so that you can follow it quickly, easily.

The reality behind this reasoning is that we’re afraid of the unknown, of the void. If all you need to build is confidence, how do you do so? How do you build momentum when you’re not started?

There are a variety of different ways, and these are all small steps designed to attack the root of the problem. As the problem is social confidence with the other gender, the best technique that I know is to play in an ultimate frisbee game. As you get older, you can resort to more suitable sports for your age; but the premise is the same. Go to a social event where the “in” is easy, and there’s no pressure to be social.

You’ll meet people there, and the soft friendships you make there can begin to permeate into other areas of your life.  You never want to eat alone — you never want to go out alone, you always want to push the boundaries of what you know and thought to be possible.

Hope can be created if you think that you can achieve through short steps. I don’t think that this blog can be “great” immediately, but with enough posts, with enough friends, and with enough time, I can make it something that I’m proud to be a part of.

Keep the right mindset as you move forward, and keep the right ATTITUDE.

Rock on, soldiers.

Rock the fuck on.

Dick Size Don’t Matter?

This is the hotly contested topic — psychological technique, physical technique, or physique?

Men, growing up, hear that it’s physique. If you have a nine inch cock, you’ll be embraced and loved by women. I once heard a man confide in another man, “I know that it’s not politically correct, but have you ever had a girl tell you that size DOES matter?” Dudes with penis envy constantly wonder why things go so badly for them in bed — why the orgasms that they produce aren’t as strong as the orgasms that bigger-dick dudes produce.

Some would say it’s physical technique. Embracing the teachings of gurus such as David Shade, you can easily create G-Spot orgasms, clitoral orgasms, and learn how to employ constant stimulation and variation to become the perfect lover. But then they wonder why the girls get bored with the technique.

My boss would say it’s psychological technique. That the more you know about fantasies and dominance, the greater your confidence will be, and naturally the better the sex will be. And yet, girls wonder why you think you’re the shit when you can’t even get her off.

So, where do I fall? I believe in the psychological. As you can see in this blog, I’m seven inches, but I believe that having a controlling mindset with complete understanding will make the sex hotter. That confidence DOES dictate better sex.

Why? It’s because you can get her hot through fingering her, through eating her — but if you provide a context for that, if you show her that you’re confident and you are free to pretend other situations where you both find it hot… it’s like three times more powerful than just having a large dick and shoving it into her. Even dirty talk increases the pleasure by a factor of one and a half, so long as she feels comfortable with your calling her a slut, or whatnot.

Anyways, where do you fall? Tell me, and leave a comment.

What is the idealized vision of a man?

The Globe and Mail ran a very politically incorrect article earlier this week, dealing with sex. It is here, for easy reference: Sarah Hampson – Sex, or he’s your ex (please, don’t sue me.)

The reason why this post is dedicated to the article is because it touches at the base of all the sexual stuff I’ve been posting about and contemplating. The end-reasoning is for women to “Be a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom. And help him understand that before talking dirty, the whore sometimes needs to have a cuddly chat about her day.”

Now, let’s examine the later part of that sentence, as the former’s been well covered in women’s magazines. To guide this post, I’m referencing a comment in response to the OpEd: “I read an interview with the Mayflower Madame some years ago. She was asked why she felt there was such a high demand for high-priced escorts. She responded (I’m paraphrasing here) that ‘A man will marry expecting his wife to always be the hottie in the bedroom that they were before marriage while a woman marries expecting to change their husband into their idealized vision of a man.’ “

What is the idealized vision of a man?

(Remember that these are not rules, but an idealistic guideline. As such, there will be conflicting ideologies.)

It clearly isn’t exaggerated machoism. “The men with the most exaggerated ‘masculine attributes’ often win Darwin Awards. They are doomed to an early demise; someone described these macho men as “nature’s playground”. In evolutionary terms, they are expendable. The make themselves expendable. They are self-parodies.”

It’s about communication; she wants you to be her best friend.
a: To elaborate on the former, I’m referring to not effeminate communication, but rather soulful communication. There is a subtle difference: you want to be open and honest, but not weak and needing validation. Do not rely on her to give you strength. A woman must know that her man cares, and you need to pay particular attention to her at specific times. (However, this doesn’t mean that you should smother her with attention.)
b: To elaborate on the latter, you want to give your girl cuddly chat, because women view express their love through words, whereas men do it through actions. Women like to talk, and verbally be affirmed of their love, whereas men like to fuck, and be physically affirmed of their love. Being her best friend shows that you are there with her, for her, on a deeper level than anybody else is or would be. And remember to sometimes show your love, as talk does need to be supported through action.

Likewise, it’s alert compassion. Seek her opinions and check her wishes on an ongoing basis. It’s playing with children, being soft when you need to be soft. It’s about going as slow as is necessary, and if things are going badly for her, taking a step back and doing something extraordinary. The only “weak” action you can have is refusing to man up in this regard.

It’s mutual love and respect. Do your share of the work, and remember that you have to leave time for your woman to look sexy instead of making her clean shit all the time. Apologize clearly, directly, and non-defensively when you make a mistake.

My own coda to this post is that it’s about having silently strong beliefs. That there are things in the world that you believe in, and that you’ll fight for. The subliminal effect of this is communicating that you’re going to fight for your family, when the going gets tough. By having these beliefs, it’s possible to confidently affirm that you accept your wife for who she is, that she comes first, and that her man won’t be corrupted from who he was.

Stay classy, San Diego. As always, comments are not only appreciated, but very, very welcomed.

Apologies, Apologies.

Have you ever met someone who apologized incessantly? A guy or a girl who was unable to stop apologizing. I used to be one of those people.

The reason why I continued to apologize was that I needed acceptance and validation. I needed the validation to know that my ideas were alright, and I needed to be continually built up to know that what I was doing, who I was, was acceptable to people.

So, why did I stop supplicating? It’s because I realized that continual apologizing wasn’t hot. Since I completely lacked confidence, people became turned off to being the source to either my “good vibe” or “bad vibe.” And in most circumstances, people would get really pissed off with that person, incredibly quickly.

I realized that I usually apologized after comments that I perceived people would take badly, and that usually those comments were actually my real desires. In actuality, I was I apologizing on two fronts: first, I was apologizing for what I wanted, and second, I was apologizing for external events that I did nothing wrong in. (This is since the first tendency of mine would be to apologize after EVERYTHING.)

So, how did I do it? Very, very consciously. It’s like pleasure addiction, in that both are actually removed the same way. To quote coyoteugly, “Your subconscious will soon realize whose boss. Now, why did I ask you to keep a pen and piece of paper? Here’s why: The first few weeks WILL be difficult, and unless you’re Mr. Self-torture you’ll fall down a few times. This is normal. But: any time you do slip up and [apologize unnecessarily], you must record the time and date of your [apology] right after it occurred. So simply write it on the sheet of paper. The next time it happens, do the same thing – under the previous entry. By doing this you can keep track of your progress. If you really want to get laid, and unless you’re a total goof, you should find that as time goes on, the entries become less and less frequent. Continue your everyday life as normal. Sometimes all you’ll be able to think of is giving in. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO RESIST THE TEMPTATION.”

(Yes, this process works for both pleasure addiction and being an apologizing, humble fool. It was also taken from Coyoteugly’s post archived at ASFGold)

Resist the temptation to fall back into your apologizing ways, and move forwards, always.

Attached are two posts by SnowPatrol, which gave me Ah-HA! moments. They are on Acceptance and Social Value (i.e., The Difference Between You and Them).

Reproduced with permission: SnowPatrol – Acceptance and Social Value

Spit on the Tyrant

Spit on the tyrant God if the fucker tries to call you to account.
- Richard Morgan

I’ve been thinking about dominant game. And about who we are. So, to kick things off, I’m going to link up to this article: The Submissive Alpha Female. It talks heavily from a femme’s prospective about how dominance is pretty much expected from the standard male. (For more proof of this, check out My Secret Gardens by Nancy Friday.)

It ties nicely into the whole “dom/dom+” mindset which I’m working with, and am really thinking about. You dominate a sub, but you really dominate with a femdom. In both cases, you’re not going to be passive — because a girl likes a guy who works to maintain his freedom, while remaining caring. In essence, independent action outside the bedroom is tempered by emotional action within. It’s the Taken in Hand relationship. (Same site where the previous link was stolen from, actually.)

The state which we put ourselves in is a reflection of our reality, and who we are. Dominance, Self-Confidence, and a pretty stylish wrapping is ALL you need in the end. Our community is built to provide these things with a social-improvement frame, and this creates the persona we look to become. At least, that I’m looking to become.

In other news, I’m still sick. When I can speak, I hope to go out with sd.