Not Sinking the Ship

(a.k.a. Viewing the Entrepreneurial)

Heather once told me “all I wanted to ever be was something special.” Well, all I ever wanted to be was someone doing something meaningful. Powerful to an extent, but meaningful.

I finally found a job that allows me to do that. It’s chasing the entrepreneurial dream, and it’s one of the most interesting experiences of my life. It kinda sucks to know that every decision I push for could be the End of Company — but it also makes me follow my gut feelings and dreams. It means that I need to push it harder, faster, better than ever before. And while I talk about my successes with glowing eyes… I also know that some of them were selfish, bad choices which I only realized in retrospect.

For example, I made my boss spend $120 on business cards. In the scheme of things, $120 isn’t bad — but in the larger version, $120 is pretty high, considering that we can’t even buy a $700 sound system that we’ll use in the future. This makes things perpetually harder for us, as there isn’t a good solution for this –

I’m supposed to have a refined eye for the conservative, the necessary. Without it, I’m leading the company into a trail of fire from which there is no return. The Abyss calls.  Well, maybe not an abyss per se.

But either way, I need to NOT SINK THE BUSINESS. As that’d be totally not hot, as Paris Hilton would say.

It’s all for now.

The Superwhore and the Maleslut

The name is funny-sounding: nympho-maniac. HA… It’d make me chuckle any day of the week, and twice on Tuesdays.

What’s interesting is that nymphos see no problem with what they do, whereas conservatives are unwilling to bring out the so-called superwhore (name copyrighted by Dirty Filthy Princess).

What creates superwhores? Multiple truths, embraced openly: multiple orgasms. G-spot. Clit. Penetration. The mythical Anal. Girls experience the same amount of pleasure during sex as Guys — but girls have a variety of ways to experience it. All while being more sensual as a rule.

There’s also the maleslut. Same pleasure, but it’s only really being gotten one way. This is ironic, as males find it easier to talk about sex — and brag about the pleasure — most likely because they enjoy the power and subconscious virility that the organ projects.

I think that what’s slowly beginning to dawn on me is that there is no real difference between the sex. Both experience great pleasure from sex (if it’s done right — but that’s NOT this conversation), and both brag. The superwhores and malesluts will do it naturally as they see nothing wrong with what they’re doing. And as always, the conservatively “moral” out there will censor it.

So, how do you become a “superslut”? Realize that there is pleasure to be gotten out there, and if you embrace the reality that the pleasure can be yours — if you choose to partake in the hedonistic — then you can dive headfirst into trying it. And seeing if you like it. Because the superslut has only one reality: Do what feels good, and if it’s really good, do it twice.

Sleep around because it’s fun, because it’s a thrill. If you view it another way, then rephrase it into this: “debase yourself because you only live once.” And accept who you are.

Always accept who you are. Because I’m a maleslut, my girl’s a superwhore. And I’m damn proud of that fact.

Dick Size Don’t Matter?

This is the hotly contested topic — psychological technique, physical technique, or physique?

Men, growing up, hear that it’s physique. If you have a nine inch cock, you’ll be embraced and loved by women. I once heard a man confide in another man, “I know that it’s not politically correct, but have you ever had a girl tell you that size DOES matter?” Dudes with penis envy constantly wonder why things go so badly for them in bed — why the orgasms that they produce aren’t as strong as the orgasms that bigger-dick dudes produce.

Some would say it’s physical technique. Embracing the teachings of gurus such as David Shade, you can easily create G-Spot orgasms, clitoral orgasms, and learn how to employ constant stimulation and variation to become the perfect lover. But then they wonder why the girls get bored with the technique.

My boss would say it’s psychological technique. That the more you know about fantasies and dominance, the greater your confidence will be, and naturally the better the sex will be. And yet, girls wonder why you think you’re the shit when you can’t even get her off.

So, where do I fall? I believe in the psychological. As you can see in this blog, I’m seven inches, but I believe that having a controlling mindset with complete understanding will make the sex hotter. That confidence DOES dictate better sex.

Why? It’s because you can get her hot through fingering her, through eating her — but if you provide a context for that, if you show her that you’re confident and you are free to pretend other situations where you both find it hot… it’s like three times more powerful than just having a large dick and shoving it into her. Even dirty talk increases the pleasure by a factor of one and a half, so long as she feels comfortable with your calling her a slut, or whatnot.

Anyways, where do you fall? Tell me, and leave a comment.

I’m a Sex Fiend.

This is by far the hardest post I’ve had to write in a long time. This is my proverbial outing: I am a man, and I am a sex fiend. I wouldn’t say that I’m a nymphomaniac — I don’t NEED sex. But I crave sex, and have been ashamed of it for longer than I can remember.
I came to this revelation a few days ago, and I’ve been trying to figure out what it really means. Masturbating three times a day if given the chance, indulging in fantasties of mind control, mature women, and soft domination.

And the shame… I’d look away from a story after I had release. Avert my eyes from pornography because I was “guilty” of wanting it. In my mind I was guilty of being immoral — since I had grew up with the belief that men are sexual predators, and that as a man, I will force my “unwanted needs” on unsuspecting women.

Over the years, this programming has manifested itself in an interesting way. It has convinced me that I need to be effiminate because women won’t be offended with that mentality. That heroes from movies such as The Princess Bride were the models that I was supposed to follow. And that I needed to be moral in all ways.

A few years ago, I realized that I projected that “morality” onto females. That if I wanted a girl, that I’d be taking advantage of her. And so my repression grew, and my shame increased accordingly.

To come out of that shell, I needed to admit to myself that I am a sexual creature. And I needed to admit that I crave females. I would stare at ladies and pretend that my ogling them wasn’t sexual, but rather done out of boredom.

I am a sexual man. I can and will not tolerate people telling me that I am immoral for who I am. Because repressing myself has ripped my insides out, and changing into the new person that I wish to be has cost me most of my friends.

But it’s who I need to be. The old must die, the new must reign. I don’t know if I can be that new person completely, and I don’t know who I will end up being. But I will integrate myself into being. The new must reign.

I Won’t Be Afraid of Fear…

I can’t say that I’ve had a lot of dreams. I’ve had the occasional bout struggling with the illusion of grandeur; everyone has. But I do remain hopeful at the future, believing that there can and will be a better future for me at some point along the road.

I think I found the right road. It’s a path which can make me a lot of money, and help people at the same time. AND help myself. It’s a trifecta. There’re two obvious pitfalls, though.

The first is that I need to learn coding for websites. From the bottom up. I’ve not coded…. ever. And I need to learn HTML 1.0, javascript, java, and perhaps CSS. And then most likely PHP. And I’ll be doing this on my own dime, on my own time.

The second is that I need to trust that I’ll get paid. I very well might not, and might be compensated unfairly. In essence, I’m trusting that my boss will be “cool” and give me adequate, if not above-adequate, compensation for my time and effort.

My parents believe that I’ll be left lackluster — that with this process that I’ll fall in with my brother, lacking a job and left searching. And yet I can see that my boss has great things planned — if he can just reach the tipping point and make things fall in his favor.

Risk and courage lie in the same boat. To pursue what you believe will work out in your favor, risking it all is necessary. I just wish that I wasn’t so damn pressured about it.

I’m reminded of Cobain — at the very height of his recording career, he wrote the worst and greatest B-Side I’ve ever heard — Moist Vagina. The lyrics are simplistic; “she had a moist vagina, I particularly enjoy the circumference. From the sucking walls of her anus… I prefer her to any other.” the music itself is incredibly muddled, sloppily delivered. But the song carries weight as it shows that pressure to perform carries weight, and that not everybody can carry it. But if you can, if you can stick through it, you may be more than you believe you are.

So who am I?

On Brashness…

It’s a conscious choice to leave this blog brash. It’s entirely possible to refine myself and present this blog in an entertaining way, with personal anecdotes placed alongside the musings, but I’ve felt that part of my essential game is to stop censoring myself and let the natural person out.

As a stylistic decision, I’m going to go into a bit of depth here, and then cap it off. Thematically, the “player’s community” is based around the feeling of sleeze, slime. The name “pick-up artist” and “seduction community” is designed to invoke feelings of disgust because we’re supposed to be self-selecting. If you can stand the heat of being a part of a grunge-tastic community which your friends will mock, then you’ll easily be able to change your social game and begin the self-improvement process.

Personally, there’s also the censorship issue. I used to write a blog that was designed to gain visitors, one which was written not for clarification of my thought processes but rather to bitch at people. I’ve since realized that the blog needs to be a reflection of personal beliefs, and that this is only possible through being willing to lose readers because you have fallacious beliefs, or present them badly. (Overgeneralizations also deals with this.)

What is the idealized vision of a man?

The Globe and Mail ran a very politically incorrect article earlier this week, dealing with sex. It is here, for easy reference: Sarah Hampson – Sex, or he’s your ex (please, don’t sue me.)

The reason why this post is dedicated to the article is because it touches at the base of all the sexual stuff I’ve been posting about and contemplating. The end-reasoning is for women to “Be a lady in public and a whore in the bedroom. And help him understand that before talking dirty, the whore sometimes needs to have a cuddly chat about her day.”

Now, let’s examine the later part of that sentence, as the former’s been well covered in women’s magazines. To guide this post, I’m referencing a comment in response to the OpEd: “I read an interview with the Mayflower Madame some years ago. She was asked why she felt there was such a high demand for high-priced escorts. She responded (I’m paraphrasing here) that ‘A man will marry expecting his wife to always be the hottie in the bedroom that they were before marriage while a woman marries expecting to change their husband into their idealized vision of a man.’ “

What is the idealized vision of a man?

(Remember that these are not rules, but an idealistic guideline. As such, there will be conflicting ideologies.)

It clearly isn’t exaggerated machoism. “The men with the most exaggerated ‘masculine attributes’ often win Darwin Awards. They are doomed to an early demise; someone described these macho men as “nature’s playground”. In evolutionary terms, they are expendable. The make themselves expendable. They are self-parodies.”

It’s about communication; she wants you to be her best friend.
a: To elaborate on the former, I’m referring to not effeminate communication, but rather soulful communication. There is a subtle difference: you want to be open and honest, but not weak and needing validation. Do not rely on her to give you strength. A woman must know that her man cares, and you need to pay particular attention to her at specific times. (However, this doesn’t mean that you should smother her with attention.)
b: To elaborate on the latter, you want to give your girl cuddly chat, because women view express their love through words, whereas men do it through actions. Women like to talk, and verbally be affirmed of their love, whereas men like to fuck, and be physically affirmed of their love. Being her best friend shows that you are there with her, for her, on a deeper level than anybody else is or would be. And remember to sometimes show your love, as talk does need to be supported through action.

Likewise, it’s alert compassion. Seek her opinions and check her wishes on an ongoing basis. It’s playing with children, being soft when you need to be soft. It’s about going as slow as is necessary, and if things are going badly for her, taking a step back and doing something extraordinary. The only “weak” action you can have is refusing to man up in this regard.

It’s mutual love and respect. Do your share of the work, and remember that you have to leave time for your woman to look sexy instead of making her clean shit all the time. Apologize clearly, directly, and non-defensively when you make a mistake.

My own coda to this post is that it’s about having silently strong beliefs. That there are things in the world that you believe in, and that you’ll fight for. The subliminal effect of this is communicating that you’re going to fight for your family, when the going gets tough. By having these beliefs, it’s possible to confidently affirm that you accept your wife for who she is, that she comes first, and that her man won’t be corrupted from who he was.

Stay classy, San Diego. As always, comments are not only appreciated, but very, very welcomed.

Love/Lust/Need/Want

The title of this post is Love/Lust/Need/Want. I love. I need. I lust. I want.
The dating scene is really separated into two camps: those who want Miss. Right Now, and those who want Mrs. Forever. The search to settle down’s an interesting one, but I’m looking at the grey-area between the two.

It’s the line between wanting someone and needing someone. And that line is what often kills a relationship. I’ve lost more than one girl because I either needed them more or less than they needed me, or I wanted them more or less than they wanted me. Usually both parties aren’t in-sync: one generally wants while the other needs, or the other needs while the other wants. (Those who are in-sync are usually with their partner for a long period of time, and thus they are excluded from this post.)

From this vantage point, most people aren’t conscious about what they actually want. If you’re going along with the flow of things, then there’s no way that you can accurately tease out what you want until a few hours into the conversation. (This is because all conversations are different; you may flirt or initiate deep conversation, and everybody reacts differently to both modes.)

So what’s the right amount to invest in someone? Most guys I know would say that they wish to keep things flirty and fun, and leave the deep conversation for later (and then reinitiate). This is because really deep initial conversations more often lead to deep friendships, since the initial fun flirtiness is lost and is incongruent after the initial interaction.

But what if you really want someone? I know I do sometimes, and it’s there that I’m lost. If you pursue someone aggressively for a deep relationship, there’s a good chance that you’ll come on too strong, and freak her out. Most people don’t want something immediately deep. But it’s that depth which brings a wholly different level to the relationship.

When I hit that depth, things get a bit weird, and my emotions fall out of my control. I’m not a jealous person, and in any open relationship, we can both can date as many people as we want. But I do want loyalty at the end of the day, and the subtle assurance that I’m within her heart. There is no true technique that will guarantee this beyond the vague belief that my frame is strong, and that it is attractive.

I want. I need. I lust. I love.

This post references a post on reyalP’s blog, found at blog.reyalp.net. A local copy of the referenced post can be found here. The relevant part is Back to Basics.

Apologies, Apologies.

Have you ever met someone who apologized incessantly? A guy or a girl who was unable to stop apologizing. I used to be one of those people.

The reason why I continued to apologize was that I needed acceptance and validation. I needed the validation to know that my ideas were alright, and I needed to be continually built up to know that what I was doing, who I was, was acceptable to people.

So, why did I stop supplicating? It’s because I realized that continual apologizing wasn’t hot. Since I completely lacked confidence, people became turned off to being the source to either my “good vibe” or “bad vibe.” And in most circumstances, people would get really pissed off with that person, incredibly quickly.

I realized that I usually apologized after comments that I perceived people would take badly, and that usually those comments were actually my real desires. In actuality, I was I apologizing on two fronts: first, I was apologizing for what I wanted, and second, I was apologizing for external events that I did nothing wrong in. (This is since the first tendency of mine would be to apologize after EVERYTHING.)

So, how did I do it? Very, very consciously. It’s like pleasure addiction, in that both are actually removed the same way. To quote coyoteugly, “Your subconscious will soon realize whose boss. Now, why did I ask you to keep a pen and piece of paper? Here’s why: The first few weeks WILL be difficult, and unless you’re Mr. Self-torture you’ll fall down a few times. This is normal. But: any time you do slip up and [apologize unnecessarily], you must record the time and date of your [apology] right after it occurred. So simply write it on the sheet of paper. The next time it happens, do the same thing – under the previous entry. By doing this you can keep track of your progress. If you really want to get laid, and unless you’re a total goof, you should find that as time goes on, the entries become less and less frequent. Continue your everyday life as normal. Sometimes all you’ll be able to think of is giving in. DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO RESIST THE TEMPTATION.”

(Yes, this process works for both pleasure addiction and being an apologizing, humble fool. It was also taken from Coyoteugly’s post archived at ASFGold)

Resist the temptation to fall back into your apologizing ways, and move forwards, always.

Attached are two posts by SnowPatrol, which gave me Ah-HA! moments. They are on Acceptance and Social Value (i.e., The Difference Between You and Them).

Reproduced with permission: SnowPatrol – Acceptance and Social Value

Overgeneralizations.

Overgeneralizations are my forte here, and it’s most likely better to talk about it now, rather than later. I suffer from seeing things from one-dimension: the simpleton male’s.

I’m a direct, dominant male. I’m working on exorcising the insecure demons within me, a long, drawn out process. As such, I’ve revamped my peer group. The group I’ve surrounded myself with are direct, blunt guys. They’re open, they’re (trying to be) flirty. I’ve really made an effort to stand away from people who are unwilling to be open to me.

My peer group, and the writings I reference, are an attempt to codify my beliefs into one package, one person. As such, this is more of a journey than anything. Since that these writings are going to be one-dimensional by nature, I make no effort to see things from other peoples’ perspectives.  Any attempt to be sympathetic to differing beliefs would most likely be seen disingenuous.

Oh, and welcome to my blog. Flame wars are not tolerated.