PLR: That Backwards Step

I guess I’ll start with the story. I met a girl in a singles chat room, and we talked for a while. She didn’t seem skanky, and we talked for a few hours before we had phone sex. At the end of it, she said “I love you” a few times, which was interesting. I thought she’d aggressively pursue me, and was psychologically charged for that fact.

I never saw her again, and I fell into a funk about it. (It’s where the “let yourself feel lonely” post came from.) I thought about it, and the realized that the expectations which I held threw me for a curve. So, as a recovering, it’s always interesting to see how the mind reacts to new situations. I’ve not had a lot of phone sex/cybersex in my time, but when I do, I usually know where it’s going. For the most part. But when you hit a connection with someone, and she never returns back — that always creates an interesting dilemma.

It’s not rejection, since things never hit the “constantly seeing other” orbit. So, 1) what is it, 2) how do you prepare yourself for a ONS with a connection, and 3) handle the turnaround?

1. When you’ve got a connection, and you’re just starting out, things are fucking great. It’s like the old relationships of the past, deep connections, things are CLICKING. But it’s not necessarily got the fun vibe. It’s got that “serious deeply madly truly yours” connection — that old sinking ship that you have too early on in a relationship (this is especially the case with LSE girls.) So when you have a ONS scenario (singles chat room, leading to cybersex or phone sex), the connection throws you for a loop — leads you to think that there’ll be more. I’m tempted to say that this feeling is stronger in people with an Addictive personality, who get their hopes up a bit strongly over it.

2. I guess that what I’m learning is that you prepare for it by being detached from it all. Not uncaring, but not opening up like a flower to everyone. You be yourself, you see how and where it goes, but you realize that the situation (especially the MODE of pickup) will leave you most likely with an ONS. Don’t just go somewhere and think “man, she’ll be with me for months.” She won’t, if you don’t calibrate where you are.

3. You handle the turnaround by realizing that you’re a damn PUA. We’re working so that we’re indifferent, and unphased by events. Sure, she might shit test you. Sure, she might try to hurt you. Sure, she might call you a stupid fucking shit. But we’re cocky, and we’re going to vibe through it and anything that comes through it. There’s nothing else you can psychologically do to prepare for that inevitability.

There’s no good way to cap this post, no pithy link, nothing but the vague philosophy that forward movement always requires a backwards step. To realize how things go wrong early on allows us to see how they will go better later on. Each man’s journey is a slow amount of steps, each culminating in a totality of “better person.”

Peace, guys.

I’m Better.

Which is big. I’ve been not coughing hardcore throughout the day, so it looks like I’m healed.

Time to digress into AFC matters for a while. I’ve been trolling chats/craigslist while sick, mostly out of boredom, some out of self-pity. I even answered a few personals ads (gah, damn me.)

This truism hit me: It’s easy to let yourself feel lonely.

The key word there is “let.” Loneliness is something that you feel when you don’t bother to put your barriers up. When you don’t bother to let the cockiness or even the “I’m normal” persona up. It’s akin to a woman not putting her face on and then going out. It’s the best foot forward.

So, as a rAFC, what is our best foot? It’s being cocky. It’s being confident, even when you don’t feel it. Meet everybody, leave no man behind. (That last one’s hard for me still, I need to work on it.) I read a post on Vin’s forum by Dominance, which was spot on about this. Read it by clicking on Latest Realizations In Game (No Particular Order) by Dominance.

And remember: Don’t Let Yourself Be Lonely. Stay strong, and man up.

I love listening to the change.

My throat’s been sandblasted. On purpose, partially; never expected it to get this bad, though.

Here’s the story. Finals finished Thursday, and I went out to celebrate with my friends. I was suffering from a migraine at the end of the meal, and then attempted to dry swallow a broken Excedrin.

I almost vomited. The broken end slammed into my throat and gave me insta-nausea. Most people on the T weren’t stupid enough to sit next to me in that state, though one businessman decided to risk it. He quickly moved away.

Feeling fucked up, I called home, got a ride back. I immediately took some antacids and drank some water to wash away some of the dehydration that’d apparently been building up. And I hovered around the toilet, waiting for the nausea to pass.

When it did, I started coughing. And I couldn’t stop. My flatmates didn’t bother to inform me that we had cough medicine, so I was battling it out with the coughing for around 36 hours. Within that 36 hours, though, I went out with Ray in a vain attempt to finish the clothes shopping we started last week.

After seven hours of hanging out, I’d completely lost my voice. I mean, completely. Nothing could literally come out of my vocal chords, although I could whisper. (Try whisper-speaking to people over the phone, it really doesn’t work well).

Before completely losing my voice I got my schedule cleared. And with gritty determination, I decided to not speak until my voice got better. That was a decision made 36 hours ago (it’s been three days of ubersickness, for those following the timeline).

When not communicating with pen and paper, I can hear my voice reconstruct itself. And it’s utterly fascinating. When you first speak, all you get is a deep bass. Eight+ hours later, you get a weird bass+treble combination, with no middle-tone. I woke up today, and my voice was completely treble. My voice is coming closer to normal, but it’s a surprise every time I open my mouth to speak.

…in other news, it’s kinda a pain in the ass to not speak. I only recommend it if you want people to get frustrated with you until they remember that you’re not speaking.

Spit on the Tyrant

Spit on the tyrant God if the fucker tries to call you to account.
- Richard Morgan

I’ve been thinking about dominant game. And about who we are. So, to kick things off, I’m going to link up to this article: The Submissive Alpha Female. It talks heavily from a femme’s prospective about how dominance is pretty much expected from the standard male. (For more proof of this, check out My Secret Gardens by Nancy Friday.)

It ties nicely into the whole “dom/dom+” mindset which I’m working with, and am really thinking about. You dominate a sub, but you really dominate with a femdom. In both cases, you’re not going to be passive — because a girl likes a guy who works to maintain his freedom, while remaining caring. In essence, independent action outside the bedroom is tempered by emotional action within. It’s the Taken in Hand relationship. (Same site where the previous link was stolen from, actually.)

The state which we put ourselves in is a reflection of our reality, and who we are. Dominance, Self-Confidence, and a pretty stylish wrapping is ALL you need in the end. Our community is built to provide these things with a social-improvement frame, and this creates the persona we look to become. At least, that I’m looking to become.

In other news, I’m still sick. When I can speak, I hope to go out with sd.

This Is Who We Are

As my AA continues, I’d like to take a moment to remark on the state of our game.

Most people that I see, that I’ve met… these are people who use Game as a social tool, use it to get better in their lives. To me, Game is a tool towards better ends — that we are in fact seeking self-improvement. People who use game as merely a tool towards “more chicks” will never get much out of it.

For those guys, though: here’s Tyler Durden – 25 Points

AA and the Endgoal

I’ve got a lot of content from previously, which I’m not going to post. In fact, I have no intention of posting that stuff. It’s in the past, and there’s no need to be completist, rehashing the old.

I haven’t done a cold approach in a week and a half, and that’s taken its toll. Today has two bits of inspiration, both equally inspiring.

The first comes from sinic. “People always try and be realistic because they feel being unrealistic is unachievable… however if everyone is being realistic there is more competition in that area. So in theory it’s easier to attract a 10 as opposed to attracting an 8″

He’s right. But what’s been bugging me a lot is that I don’t know my goal. Am I looking for an immediate fuck and then follow that up with like a relationship? Or am I looking to set the relationship in stone and then fuck the living shit out of her?

That kind of indecisiveness is readily apparent when you’re in the middle of a set.

So know where you’re going, know what your vision is. Fuck, I need to find mine. More later… and for the interim, Formhandle on David X.